Forced Conversation
by Arkhe
Summary: Despite what the inhabitants in Pueblos can throw at him, Leon finds that the quiet moments can be far more dangerous –especially since between snappy comebacks and snazzy oneliners, his big mouth is better suited for inserting his foot into.
1. Cart Ride

**Warning list**  
**_COPYRIGHT_  
**Here and now, you (may) own Resident Evil (merchandise). In Soviet Russia, Resident Evil owns you.  
**_SPOILERS  
_**Contains spoilers for **Resident Evil 4**.

* * *

**Forced Conversation**  
By _Arkhe_

* * *

  
Cart Ride

It was such a mess.

Honestly, what were they thinking when they decided to take refuge in a castle that was in relative walking distance from a town full of crazy people? And what drove them into wandering deeper into said castle thinking it would be any safer?-!

Leon sighed at the trouble he was going through to protect the President's daughter. Turning away from what little interest the zipping stone walls could afford, Leon opted to stare some more at the passing distant landscape on the opposite side of the amusement ride (though both passengers were feeling far from amused).

Various trees lined the fauna that was far out of even a stone's throw away. The sheer drop between the mentioned plantlife and their current platform was definitely a turn-off in trying to escape the excruciatingly long wait to arrive at the destination.

_This is a long cart-ride._ The dirty-blond haired agent mused to himself. _And boring._

The tracks clattered noisily, as the tame cousin of the roller-coaster jostled lightly. At the speed they were going and according to the map, Leon figured that they would still be sitting here for a while.

So, he snuck a glance over to his passenger, Ashley Graham; the President's daughter and current rescue assignment, who sat opposite of him. She appeared to be watching the dreary countryside with the same interest as Leon himself cared to give at such depressing and mundane scenery.

It wasn't long before Leon decided on small talk to help pass the time, and reasoned that he needed a way to 'break the ice' so to speak. It was unfortunate that he said the first thing that came to mind.

**"Wait!"** Leon blurted.

This caught Ashley's attention and she quickly glanced behind her and above her to make sure there weren't any threats in sight. Finding none, she targeted Leon with an bemused raised eyebrow.

"What...?" She finally responded with undisguised confusion.

"Sorry." Leon quickly shook the cobwebs out of his head. "Just that this ride is awfully long."

"I suppose it is." Ashley shrugged noncommitedly. "I prefer the break instead of having to dash this way and that from those... 'people'." She shuddered before continuing. "Honestly, I'd take this peace over those guys trying to paw at me any day."

"Heh." Leon chuckled to himself and in a brief display of his infamous wit, he added; "Well, you do have alot to paw at!"

When Ashley gave him a disbelieving stare, the agent interpreted it as the joke going over her head. Thus, he tried to reiterate himself.

"You know... I've got ballistics..." The law enforcer patted his black attaché case for emphasis. "You've got ballistics..." Luckily for him, he wasn't about to pat Ashley's 'ballistics'. However, he did try to playfully nudge her with his knuckle, though said nudge had been more like a sharp, painful poke into her arm.

This earned a withering glare from Ashley and she folded her arms over her chest defensively. A red hue (whether from anger or embarrassment, likely both) spread over her visage, as she chose to watch the scenery again, instead of paying heed to her 'oh so intelligent' conversationalist.

"Wanna race? You can jump off from here and we'll see who makes it to their destination first!" She sniffed disdainfully.

Recognising the tone in her voice, Leon rubbed the back of his head awkwardly. "Yeesh..." He mumbled. "Don't need to bite my head off about it. I get that enough from those guys."

"What was that?-!" She snapped.

"I said, I can't see the ground from up here."

"That better be what you said!"

**

* * *

**

**Tap A** to stop Leon from inserting his foot further into his mouth.  
_ Failed._  
** B + A** to apologise to Ashley before she hits Leon.  
_Whack._

**You are Dead.  
_Would you like to Continue? No_**

**_

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_Author's Notes:  
**This collection is buffered; what with a few one-shots already written and another handful more ideas planned. I'll probably release them over a short period of time, depending which of my other fics aren't done yet.


	2. Helping Hand

**Warning list**  
**_COPYRIGHT_  
**Here and now, you (may) own Resident Evil (merchandise). In Soviet Russia, Resident Evil owns you.  
**_SPOILERS  
_**Contains spoilers for **Resident Evil 4**.

* * *

**Forced Conversation**  
By _Arkhe_

* * *

  
Helping Hand

"Do you know how to use a firearm?"

Ashley shook her head in response.

"Here, I'll let you use this." Leon removed a spare handgun in his case and handed it to Ashley. "All you have to do, is point and pull the trigger." Watching as the young female wrapped her fingers around the handle, the US Agent added as an after-thought. "The Merchant assured me that it can shoot through a person to hit a second person behind him."

"Okay." The President's daughter replied, determination set in her voice. She hefted the gun to get a feel for it, before holding the firearm up and pointing it at a nearby defenseless tree. A focused expression set over her face, as she prepared herself and pulled the trigger...

...only to find nothing happening. She pulled the trigger several times more, each time with a more sterner expression. Eventually she gave up and turned to Leon, her features contorting to blanket with panic and defenselessness.

Leon and the Merchant shared a knowing look (complete with suppressed laughter) and the former chalantly fiddled with the safety of his handgun -making sure to do it slowly and in Ashley's line of sight.

The young woman picked up on the action quickly, she suppressed the embarrassment before setting herself up to try again. However, being completely unprepared for the recoil, the blond girl fell back and landed on her behind.

"Heh. These guns pack quite the wallop. You gotta be careful." Leon offered her a hand up.

"Yeah, okay." She took Leon's hand, but in reflex, unwittingly closed the fingers of the hand wielding the pistol.

_-BANG-_

Leon looked down and found himself bleeding. The Merchant keeled over.

Ashley's eyes widened. "Oops."

The blond female's accidental misfire had grazed Leon's inner right thigh and continued its path into the Merchants jacket, where it richoted off a gun he'd set up in his coat. Unfortunately, the bullet's momentum still gave the impromptu shield a violent thrust -right into the merchant's groin.

When Leon managed to stop his inner thigh bleeding (that was before he got his hyper-ventilating in check from the close call of losing his family jewels, which was after he fought down the urge to throttle his rescued captive) that he took only one single look at the still groaning and writhing merchant, before he none-too-gently disarmed Ashley ("Hey! I need that!") and offered the gun back to the salesman; that is, once the poor fellow had got back his ability to stand.

**"Ah... I'll buy it at a high price."** The merchant said between gasps and turning a fearful eye back on Ashley.

* * *

**L + R** to dodge the bullets shot from the TMP that Ashley mishandled.  
_Failed._

**You are Dead.  
_Would you like to Continue? No_**

* * *

**Author's Notes:**  
Hi! No really! Hi!  



End file.
